The secret of strength training. Embrace a reality that most of us would rather avoid

This is credit Fit wellcolumn about exercises.

The first time I tried to do a back squat with only an empty barbell on my back, I failed spectacularly. I was taking an introductory CrossFit class and was already intimidated by the noise and exertion of the heavy lifting around me.

When it was my turn to attempt the move, I planted my feet, took a sharp breath, and began to bend my knees. But as I got down to the bottom of the contraction, I felt like I was leaning too far forward. The bar rolled slightly to the back of my neck and I panicked, putting my weight on my toes and releasing my grip on the bar. Suddenly I was down on my knees and the barbell was on the floor slowly rolling away. I felt heat rising to my cheeks.

This is how everyone’s first class goesI thought, or am I just not cut out for this type of fitness? Just as I was starting to think about giving up on lifting weights altogether, the instructor pointed out something. Before I did the lift I managed to fail properly. Instead of trying to salvage the lift with bad form that, if the bar had been heavier, could have strained my back, I let it go safely. Accepting an average lift to failure allowed me to avoid injury. That meant I could start thinking about what went wrong and plan the necessary changes to fix the lift next time.

Strength training isn’t success at all, I eventually learned. For me, it’s learning to accept, expect, and ultimately love failure. The resilience you develop through those missteps and the understanding that failure is not you failure permeates the rest of your life, affecting how you take risks and bounce back in work, school, and social settings.

Before lifting, I was a distance runner and it was easy for me to avoid training setbacks; so much slower than i had planned. Raising it wasn’t. Training to build strength often meant loading the bar with a weight I could only handle for two or three reps of big lifts like the overhead press, squat, or deadlift. Some days I literally went “to failure,” the point where my muscles were so exhausted from the strain that I couldn’t complete a set. I was regularly pushed to the absolute limits of my physical strength and sometimes, no matter how much I wanted the weight to move, it just wouldn’t. It made me really comfortable with uncertainty and treating those setbacks as challenges rather than disasters.

“Failure is the most consistent part of lifting,” says Priscilla Del Moral, personal trainer and co-owner of JDI Barbell in New York City. “It was a turning point for me when I realized that this is normal everyday life.”

For many of us, “failure has been tied to identity” since childhood, says Jenny Wang, a psychologist, author and mental health activist. “When a child trips and the parents immediately sweep in to fix the problem, we’re actually saying something is wrong when you slip. There’s something wrong with you fighting through it.” We grow up believing that failure is scary and should be avoided.

Fear of failure can have real consequences. For some, it can lead to severe anxiety and depression. How you respond to failure, however, is a good indication of your level of resilience or ability to adapt to setbacks. Resilience has been shown to have far-reaching implications, from perceptions and psychological responses to stress in the work environment to improving quality of life in aging. And how do you build resilience? Accepting failure.

Two years into my lifting journey, I started training for Strongman (that sport you know from the late-night ESPN reruns where huge men lift, carry, press, or throw extremely heavy odd objects like rocks, logs, and beer cans. barrels). Despite her name, I learned that strong women also dominate sports. (Lucy Underdown holds the women’s world deadlift record at an astounding 700 pounds.) Most competitions also have a beginner section.

Ever since I started at Strongman, the circus dumbbell (about three times the length and width of regular dumbbells) has been my nemesis. I’ve tried to squeeze this into my head probably hundreds of times, failing all the time. Strongman competitions involve five events, all of which competitors must at least attempt, so for a long time I avoided the circus dumb ones. I didn’t want to fail in front of the crowd. Once I noticed that I was ruling out most of the contests I wanted to enter, but I decided to give it a go.

I started training the supporting muscles I needed to strengthen enough to press the dumbbell. I watched videos of my missed attempts and analyzed where I needed to move my leg or arm. Almost a decade after my first failed attempt, and now in my 40s, I walked up to the judges and looked down at the 55-pound dumbbell resting at my feet. The first time I tried to press it, my nerves got the better of me and I reverted to old habits, leaning my body away from the dumbell instead of going under it. I missed the representative. (“Fail with success” in this context basically means don’t let it get to your head, which I managed to avoid.) On my second attempt, I shook off the frustration, got my feet in a better position, picked up the dumbell. my shoulder, and finally,’ he nailed it.

Sometimes, in the gym, I still miss that lift. But now I realize that from each of those failures, I’ve learned a little more about myself, how stubbornly I’m willing to push my limits, and what I need to do to succeed. It’s something I use outside of the gym, too, from repurposing rejected articles to trying to unlock that magic phrase that will get my 3-year-old to agree to eat something green.

Eric Potterat, performance and sports psychologist and book author Learned excellence, has worked with thousands of professional athletes and shares a similar sentiment. He suggested that what separates good athletes from truly great athletes is how they bounce back when things go wrong. “They all have one thing in common,” he says. “The best of the best see their failures as nothing more than statistics.”

At age 41, seven years after I competed in my first Strongman competition, I finally made it to a national level competition. And I ended up in last place. Early in my lifting career, that result would tie me. This time, however, after giving myself time to cool down, I thought about what the failure meant. Now I could clearly see my current limits. I had a goalpost and it was up to me to decide if I was willing to run for it, knowing how many times I would fall on my face along the way.

Climbing has taught me to welcome the opportunity to fail so I can determine the best path to success. This article is a prime example of that. To write it, I spent a lot of time staring at a blank document and a blinking cursor, willing words to appear on the page. Then I just started writing, expecting the first draft to be a mess (it was). I also realized that when I was pitching, I had to start somewhere because once the words were on paper, I would be able to see where to go next. Several times I confidently added a new paragraph only to realize it didn’t fit. So I pushed it aside and tried something new. By figuring out what wouldn’t work, I could figure out what did will

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